The Radical Embrace
Becoming Radical Wholeness means we become willing to embrace and feel all of our emotions fully, including the uncomfortable ones. The emotions we find most uncomfortable like fear, sadness, anger, shame or embarrassment to name a few, are really emotional contractions. Instead of living life with openness, we shut down and close ourselves off from further pain. Yet, as we contract emotionally for protection, we also shut down the possibility of expanding and growing. Finding the courage to stay open to life even when we are hurt is something I call the radical embrace.
It seems counter intuitive to stay open when we feel like retreating and protecting ourselves. Yet, just as the compassionate parent holds a small child with love and acceptance, reassuring the hurt child of his safety, we can learn to parent our emotions. We become the kind of parent we wanted to have, celebrating our “wins” while providing compassion and encouragement, finding the lesson in our “losses”.
When experiencing an emotion that takes us out of our center, ask three questions:
1. What is happening inside me right now; what am I experiencing in my body?
2. Can I fully be with this uncomfortable emotion with no resistance, judgment, analysis, or explanation?
3. Is there a willingness to be with this uncomfortable emotion for as long as it takes to integrate it, learn from it and release it?
After asking these questions, take some time, perhaps five minutes to allow ourselves to feel whatever we feel without blame, judgment or analysis. Ask the emotion to fully express itself while listening, feeling and being as present as possible to experience what it is trying to express. Emotions have important messages that we need to hear. Underneath all uncomfortable emotions is an unmet need. Ignoring the feeling is ignoring the unmet need. When we learn to stay with the energy of an emotion and then discover the unmet need underneath, we have honored the life energy wanting to inform us and pass through us. This results in the authentic feelings of peace, passion, purpose, power and presence.
Unfelt feelings never die or go away. Paradoxically, unfelt and un-integrated feelings are the source of our deepest pain and feelings of separateness. Feeling is healing. What we resist persists. What we radically embrace makes us whole.
