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SOULutions Newsletter, March 2009 Confessions of a Self-Improvement Junkie I, Michael Casteel, am a self-professed, self-improvement junkie and a former positive thinking poster child. I have spent a large part of my life so terrified of ever having a negative thought, I constantly busied myself attending numerous seminars and workshops in a never ending quest to avoid any and all encounters with negative thought or emotion. People often comment on the unusual and diversified spectrum of professional certifications and training I have. I'd like to say it was the result of dedication to my profession, but the truth is, I just couldn't stand to sit still and be alone with myself. So, I signed up for every class I thought would given me an intellectual understanding and distance from my emotions. What I discovered in this frenzy of self-discovery, and now ue in my private practice and workshops, was that negative emotions are a natural and valuable part of life. Without them, we are shallow and out of balance. Because I lacked depth and out of balance, I failed in my relationships and had limited success in my career. But, I was always very positive about my failure! Well, "Mr. Positive", always optimistic, always a whirlwind of frenetic activity, always the intellectual, woke up one cold winter morning, looked at my pathetic self in the bathroom mirror and said, “Something is missing. Why do I keep screwing everything up? What am I not seeing? What is wrong with me?" This moment of great despair that I had tried desperately to avoid was also a moment of great awakening. I heard a clear, peaceful and somehow urgent voice in my head respond, “You spend too much energy chasing spirit and not enough time caring for your soul." That was a turning point for me. I slowed down and stopped running from the inner turmoil that I had been desperately trying to cover up with all of the frenetic activity, positive thinking and professional training. I faced the unresolved feelings from a confusing, physically and emotionally abusive childhood. I released the "stuck" energy lodged in my body. Then, I learned how to experience and use my emotions, blend them with my mind and soul, and I became whole. When clients, prospective clients or workshop participants ask, "Why should I do this difficult work of looking at old wounds, or facing my shadow," I know exactly how they feel. I know the struggle to avoid facing yourself. The paradox is that the more we avoid our pain, the more certain it is that we will bring it about. The two most primary motivations for every human being are survival and the drive to find wholeness with Spirit. A state of being that I call radical wholeness combines these primal drives for the richest, fullest, deepest and most expanded life possible. Survival is rooted in the experience and beliefs of our protective ego-self. Yet, just as fiercely as our ego is trying to protect and ensure the survival of our physical self, our soul is trying to connect to Spirit, the source of our Essence. This is the reason for doing this inner work of transforming ego to Essence. How much more love and greater consciousness can you create in your life and the lives of those around you? The assumption and experience of someone living from their ego is that of a separate human being seeking to survive. Ego wants to enjoy itself by avoiding pain and gaining pleasurable experiences. The experience of someone connected to Spirit and living from Essence is that of a unique expression of the wholeness. Essence chooses to express life by being fully present in every minute and offering its spiritual gifts to life and those around them. This is why the process of wholeing is worth the effort that will be required. And this is why the former "Mr. Positive" is now "Ego to Essence Dude". In Wholeness, |
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